This article has been adapted from Dr Justin Coulson’s Happy Families’ issue on Worry Stacking. Dr Justin Coulson is a known child and developmental psychologist and father of 8 girls.
Here are some ways to help your child navigate anxiety:
1. Balance the body
- Recognise the physical sensations of anxiety. Where does your child feel it? Is it in their chest, shoulders, or stomach? Somewhere else? Identifying these sensations helps manage them effectively.
- Rather than saying, “I am feeling anxious,” which can intensify anxiety, have your child say, “I’m beginning to notice anxiety in my chest”. This simple shift in language helps to create distance from the anxiety, allowing it to be processed more effectively.
- Deep breathing is a powerful tool for regulating emotions. Try box breathing (Inhale, 2, 3, 4, Hold, 2, 3, 4, Exhale, 2, 3, 4, Hold, 2, 3, 4)
- A splash of cold water, a brief cold plunge, or a cold shower can help with a reset and refocus on the here and now.
- Nature is an anxiety balm. Touch the grass. Breathe the fresh air. See the sky. Soak in the sun.
2. Re-calibrate cognitions
- The mind magnifies threats when anxious. Remember, thoughts are thoughts, not facts. Challenge unhelpful, unkind or unproductive thoughts.
- Question assumptions and beliefs that amplify anxiety.
3. Create capacity
Your child can’t control the curriculum, can’t trash the timetable, can’t end exams and can’t save the planet. But they can –
- hug their parent
- be present
- breathe
- play, run or be active
- cook dinner with you
- wrestle with you on the carpet
- read a book
- call a friend
- help someone struggling
There is so much that they can do. They just need help seeing it. Unhealthy anxiety is embedded in our culture. But it doesn’t have to be embedded in yours or your child’s. Let go of control. Recentre, rebalance, rethink and recreate.
And trust that things will work out.
They almost always do.